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Thankful Thursdays: Thanksgiving Edition

I recently stumbled upon a blog that touches my heart, as a Christian, as a woman and as a wife. You're likely familiar with Jefferson Bethke, though you may not know him by name. His Youtube video of a spoken word poem entitled "Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus" went viral earlier this year. I saw it all over my Facebook, from friends and family all over the country. My beautiful cousin Rachel retweeted something he said on Twitter, so I began to follow him. He recently got married and he began to retweet things that his wife, Alyssa, tweeted so I began to follow her as well. This is how I happened upon her blog: Alyssa Joy.

In her recent miniseries on Gratitude, she wrote the following:

"A book that deeply touched my heart, and changed my whole outlook on life, is One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. In this book, Ann talks about her struggle to give thanks to the Lord when life is hard, and in the mundane day-to-day events. BUT. When we do- when we choose to give thanks- the mundane becomes beautiful. The pain becomes beautiful too- because we see Jesus at work, instead of asking where He’s gone. We invite Jesus in to each moment, and savor His precious gifts. 

Ann was challenged to write a list of 1,000 things she was thankful for and discovered the joy of looking for every moment that she could thank the Lord for. 

Although I’m not at 1,000 yet, this list-making has brought so much joy to my life. Inviting Jesus in, taking a moment to reflect on His beauty, His work, His presence- in every moment. 

So, every Thursday, I am going to write a list of things I am thankful for. I hope you will join me in this process. Hopefully we will get to 1,000 soon."

And so, I've decided to join in on this challenge. Each Thursday, I will be taking time to write about at least 10 things that I am thankful for that week. I've ordered One Thousand Gifts from Amazon and look forward to reading it. I've also ordered two other books from Alyssa's Recommended Reading List: Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother and Prayers of An Excellent Wife. I hope that these will teach me a lot and inspire me to be a better wife to Stephen. This also correlates nicely with number 9 on my 30 Before 30 list: Complete a thankfulness journal for an entire year.

So, for the week of Thanksgiving 2012, here are the ten things that I am thankful for:

He makes me smile this big all the time, even
when I'm wearing ridiculous boot-slippers.

1. A God who orchestrates my life in ways that show His hand so obviously: there's no other way that Stephen and I end up married. There are too many things about our lives and how perfect we are for each other that you just can't chalk up to coincidence.
2. My amazing and wonderful husband. He completes me, seriously. I am good on my own but I am great when we are together. He brings out the best in me by loving me just as I am. I want to be the best possible wife to him and look forward to raising a family with this amazing man! He continues to give me more and more reasons to love him every single day.



My Gram attacking a turkey leg?
Totally normal Thanksgiving.

3. Our incredible, weird, crazy family! I could not be more blessed to be related to some of the most kind-hearted, caring, fun-loving, adopting-random-people-because-we-love-everyone, give-you-the-shirt-off-my-back, people in this entire world. My family and my in-laws are a huge blessing in our lives and I feel so blessed to have these people speaking into our lives and into our marriage. We are surrounded by people who follow God in their lives and encourage us to do the same in ours. We could not be more blessed.
4. The best best friends anyone could ask for. I have two sisters by bonds that I can't imagine life without. Though we're in three different states, we talk constantly and encourage each other in all of our pursuits. We understand each other and we have a similar humor. I am so so so so excited to see them in a couple weeks and to just enjoy being in the same state, let alone the same room! It brings me such joy. I just love them and their (my) family to death.



I can't believe this was 6 years ago.
I love my sisters!

5. We both have jobs. In an economy like this, when so many have fallen on hard times, we are both gainfully employed in jobs that we enjoy a majority of the time. 
6. Life-long friendships. Okay, so this kind of correlates with #4 (Sandi and I have been friends for 13 years!), but can I just say how awesome it is that Stephen and I spent Thanksgiving in the home of my Aunt Lori's college roommate, Kathleen? How incredible that all of these years later, they are friends, and that their friendship would extend to them being my family too? How many people can say that? They've been friends longer than I've been alive and I can't wait to be best friends with Sandi for 30 years!
7. Getting pictures of my sweet nephew in text messages from my brother- I just love him!
8. Weird family traditions, like my Mom, Dad, brother and I telling each other "Happy Birthday" on Thanksgiving because it's Turkey Day and my parents are turkeys!!
9. A beautiful home to live in
10. Mashed potatoes. No lie. People who know me know how much I love potatoes.

Going forward, the list will most likely not be so verbose. It will probably look more like this: 10 Things. But I look forward to thanking the Lord for everything He puts in my life. Both the large and small :)

Goals, Food, Health and Happiness

It seems like I blinked and the year is almost over. 

I'm looking back on some of the goals that I started the year with and it looks like I'm doing pretty well, actually!

Goals for 2012:

• Complete the Couch to 5K training program to get back into running - Check!
• Read at least 18 books (progress can be tracked on my blog to the right) - I'm currently reading book #27!
• Complete a second Photo A Day project - So far, so good!
• Make a realistic budget with my husband and stick to it - Well, we made a budget. I haven't exactly checked our stick-to-it-ness but we're doing well financially and have made some changes that make financial sense so maybe I get half credit on this one?
• Actually finish the Bible Study I bought an embarrassingly long time ago - I've actually done two, including the above mentioned one.
• Get pregnant again (God willing) and have a happy, healthy pregnancy- Still a work in progress, but God willing...
• Blog more frequently - Well, this will be my 13th post of the year. In the history of my blog, this is pretty good. The only years that I've had more posts were during the planning of our wedding, our wedding, and some related posts so I think that I'm doing pretty well. 
• Spend more time nurturing relationships - This one is sort of hard to quantify, but I think that I've been able to build closer bonds with some of the people out here, as well as get closer to some of my favorite people from back home. 

So really, the only thing that I haven't been able to accomplish to some degree is getting pregnant. But, I can say that I have made strides to help with this process. Thanks to some awesome friends of mine, I was introduced to the book Taking Charge of your Fertility this summer. From that book I really learned a lot about how the female body works and how everything really has to work together perfectly for conception to occur. I've recently started charting using a great app called Fertility Friend, which has taught me a lot about how my body works. I'm hoping that this will help us to have a baby, but at the very least it has empowered me to be able to speak to a doctor with some authority about how my body functions if we have to get to that point. 

I also met with my own personal nutrition consultant, my sweet friend Kelsey, last weekend. She's incredibly passionate about nutrition, eating Real Foods, and is even studying to become a doula. What a great resource she is (check out her website: www.aderofoods.com)! She took the time to compile her own research about eating well, both in general and for fertility. And while I already do eat fairly well, she was able to speak to the exact nutritional value in different foods that I could add to my diet to enhance my health and wellness. So here are a few things that I have tried this week:

Organic whole fat milk: full-fat dairy is related to an increased likelihood of getting pregnant
Kefir: full of probiotics to help boost immunity and regulate digestion, also full of calcium
Organic butter: healthy fats!
Brussels sprouts: mmm, folic acid and phytonutrients ( I have yet to cook these so I hope I can make them taste awesome! Accepting recipes...)

Today I made and ate my first omelet in my almost 28 years. Eggs are apparently really good for you, despite the fact that I don't particularly care for them. So I added things I do like to make them better. I love love love tomatoes so that was a no-brainer. I also added organic baby spinach (yay iron!) and some cheese. And, as always, Cholula makes most foods better. I wouldn't skip straight to *liking* eggs yet, but they were more tolerable with these additions.

 Oh, and trying to drink ridiculous amounts of water-- good thing I have quart-sized mason jars to use as glasses. And, with my recent health issues, I'm more than willing to try things that can boost my wellness and maybe help me get over this!

Speaking of recent health issues, we still don't know why my skin has been freaking out for the past three and a half months. So far I've treated my crazy rash as ringworm (three times, in three ways). I've also had blood tests for various things, ruling out gout, lupus, rheumatoid arthritis, previous strep infection, vasculitis, and inflammation which can be caused by autoimmune diseases. Or at least that's what Google tells me based on the tests the doctor ordered. Everything was within normal levels.

I also had a biopsy of one of my "spots." This was actually pretty cool because I could actually watch the procedure since it's on the front of my thigh. It was so interesting! It came back benign. No abnormalities of the tissue, so no cancer-causing cells. The pathological diagnosis shows chronic spongiotic dermatitis, which according to Google means acute eczema. (The doctor didn't actually tell me I have eczema, so I'm relying on Google for this.) I have another follow-up appointment on November 27, so hopefully he'll explain this to me more. The weird thing is that I've never had eczema before in my life, and I guess I didn't know that you can randomly get it after almost 28 years. Hopefully the doctor can explain this more to me, cause it's not going away. And there's a lot of it. And it's really ugly. I've had just awful luck with this biopsy site. I've lost three of my four stitches. They've just come untied and so I pulled them out. This scar is going to be gnarly. My skin also had a crazy reaction to wearing a bandaid over the site and four days later, it still looks like I'm wearing a pink bandaid. Why my skin hates me, I don't know.

Enough whining, there are happy things yet to come!

• Next week is Thanksgiving! Yay food and yay time with my sweet husband! And yay for 4 day weekends. And we're spending Thanksgiving with the Kleinhuizens, which is bound to be a hoot.
• After Thanksgiving means Christmas Tree buying time!! I love how Christmas trees make the whole house smell amazing and Christmassy and like joy.
• Then it's my birthday, which was going to suck because my husband will be in Phoenix for Brandon's bachelor party, but now is going to be amazing because I will be in Vacaville and will get to spend my birthday with my family and best friends! And I'm really really hoping to get some San Francisco time in my weekend. It's been too long!
• CHRISTMAS. Do I need to say more?
• New Year's and celebrating 6 years with the love of my life! He's so my favorite.

Life, Lately...

As I sit here on the couch in a wedding show induced stupor and wishing to not move much as my legs are sore from hiking yesterday, I thought this would be an opportune time to blog.

Life lately has been nothing short of a whirlwind. Since the school year began again, I feel like time has started moving at warp speed. That does, of course, not include the weekend that Stephen was in Houston, which was one of the longest ever. But that's just cause I'm a wuss when it comes to being apart. And being alone in this giant house doesn't exactly help the cause.

So the question is, what's new?

Well, I started running again. If you've been a faithful follower of this blog, you're probably rolling your eyes right now. Yes, I am aware that it's been an on and off cycle for the last 3 years. But I'm almost 4 weeks in and doing great. I did my first week on the treadmill and was pleasantly surprised by how well I was able to do after a few months' break. But then I decided to start trying to run outside in hopes of doing a 5k in the near future. Let me tell you, that first run outside was killer. It was definitely a humbling experience. However, persistence does have its benefits. In the couple weeks that I've been running outside, I've dropped my 5k time from 43:00 to 38:43! Yes, I know that's not fast but I can't lie, I'm pretty proud of that. And no, I'm not able to run the entire time because I have a hard time pacing myself evenly when I'm running outside, but hey, I'm out there and I'm working on it. Besides, when the place you run looks like this, how can you not enjoy going?

 

I want it to be Fall on this trail always. I'm not looking forward to losing this beautiful spot when the evil white stuff comes and ruins everything.


I recently had some blood work done to check for possible autoimmune disorders. The good news is that my labs all came back normal. That was a slightly stressful few days. I'm on some medication now to try to clear up my symptoms and hopefully that will all be behind me soon after a couple months of dealing with it.

No news on the baby front, which has been rather disheartening. We got pregnant so quickly the first time that I thought it would be easier than this. But, it's not. I've been reading up on things a lot and trying to be patient but it's hard. I feel like life is really working against us right now but I'm trying to be positive. I'm not doing a very good job of it, I'm afraid. But, for some silly reason, Stephen still loves me through the crazy.

Speaking of the cute guy that I married, I'm really very lucky to have such a loving and patient husband. He honestly is my rock. There is no person that I would rather spend time with and no place I would rather be than with him. I'm so blessed. He's so encouraging through everything we've been going through and always cheers me on through the things that I'm pursing (like running!).

I'm also super blessed to have two of the best friends that a girl could ask for supporting me through this adventure. My two sisters, Sandi and Nikki, have been taking this running journey with me and doing it themselves. It's so awesome to be working on the same things, in three different states, and supporting each other through it. Nikki is working up to a half marathon and Sandi is working up to a 5k in January and I couldn't be more proud of these two and more thankful for the ways they support me. Can I just say how much I love group text?! Can't wait until we get rid of Nancy, girls! (P.S. We need some new pictures!)




My 30 Before 30 is going fairly well. The most enjoyable long-term goal so far has got to be the trying of local restaurants. So far we've been to a burger joint/bar, Mexican, pizza and BBQ. Looking forward to finding an Italian and Chinese place to try! I didn't intend for it to be diverse like this but I'm enjoying that it is!

Is it bad that I already want to decorate our house for Christmas? I have grown to like certain things about Fall: leaves turning colors, wearing scarves, cute boots and Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate. But there is no joy in decor quite like there is for Christmas. I can't wait.

#15 - Learn How to Make Really Good Tomatillo Salsa From Scratch (30 Before 30)

Third time really is a charm. It took three tries over the course of 2 months, but I have perfected my tomatillo salsa recipe. 

The first time that I tried to make it, I took a recipe from Epicurious. I followed it pretty closely with the exception of adding some garlic (but what don't I add garlic to?). It was good flavor but was just lacking heat. A moderate success. 

The second time I tried to make it, I wanted to add some significant heat. So I used jalapeños this time. I decided to not seed or devein them. That may not have been my best decision ever. It roasts and I get it all puréed and decide to taste it. I thought my face was literally going to catch on fire. It was instant and it was painful. I'm freaking out, because we are having friends over and I can't serve them face-melting salsa. So I'm googling "my salsa is too hot" and trying to figure out what I can do. They recommend adding more tomatoes. I didn't use tomatoes. They recommend making another non-jalapeñoed batch and mixing them. I don't have the supplies. Then, I see on like ten different pages that you should add a little sugar. I have sugar. I try it. It doesn't do anything. I add a little more and it's still crazy hot. I let it sit for a little while, trying to decide what to do. I try it and the heat has decreased to a spicy, but more manageable level. But now it's got this weird sweetness. I don't like it. Stephen comes home, relieved that I did not actually burn my face off, and tries it. He agrees that the sweetness is not ideal. 

The third time was the next day. I grabbed the ingredients on my lunch break so that I could get it together immediately when I got home so it would be ready when everyone came over. This time, I really got it right. To quote Stephen, "Good flavor, subtle heat, but it catches up with you at the end." It made a little over 2 cups of salsa and after the party, we had probably 2 tablespoons left. I'd say it was a hit.

Next time, I'm making a double batch and jarring it so that it will last longer. I took the Round 2 Salsa to work for my boss to try and she and her daughter liked it so much they've requested it. It wasn't even my best batch. That's a nice compliment :) It did get better as it sat in the fridge and was less obviously sweet. 

I'll probably continue to tinker with it from time to time and try new things, but if I never do, I am very pleased with Round 3 Salsa. 

Pray For Colorado Again

Yesterday morning, shortly after midnight, tragedy struck Colorado once more. This time it was not fire that threatened the lives of Coloradans, but instead it was a madman with 4 guns and no remorse. 12 people have been killed and another 58 wounded (8 of which are still in critical condition) in one of the worst mass shootings in American history.

We woke up to the news of this event on Friday, seeing it all over Twitter and Facebook before we'd even left our bed. We came downstairs and turned on the news only to see it played over and over before our eyes. It was sad and shocking, but it was hard to look away. The incomprehensible decision of one man was affecting the lives of people all over the state, the country and the world. As they interviewed eye witnesses and showed parents looking for their children, hoping that they were just lost in the hysteria, not lost from this life, the emotions became stronger. Your heart breaks for those parents, friends and loved ones waiting for answers and fearing the worst.

I did not live in Colorado when Columbine happened. I was 1200+ miles away, in Vacaville, California on that fateful April day. But I remember, vividly, coming home from school and watching as students were being evacuated from their school, a place of assumed safety. We watched as the death tolls rose and the stories of both victims and assailants were revealed. We mourned from afar the lives of people we didn't know, in a state we'd never been to, for reasons that we just couldn't understand. We related to them- these were children our age, witnessing unspeakable tragedy and living unknown terror. I was 14 years old. I was in high school. And the fear that this could have happened anywhere, including Will C. Wood High School in Vacaville, California, was real.

This time, I am part of a Colorado community that has been shaken by the closeness of this tragedy. We took my parents to the airport last night and on the way home we could see the theatre from I-225. It took us a mere 20 minutes to get home from there. This terror, this pain, this tragedy occurred 20 minutes from the safety of our home. It happened not only to people our age, but to children, to parents, to servicemen and newlyweds. But innocents, every one of them. No one was safe.

Stories began to emerge of those who tried to help others in the midst of chaos and what had to be the most terrifying moments of their lives. The story of a 19 year old who, when he heard a young mother screaming for her children, went back to help her find them and get them to safety. Who took a shot to his leg to protect complete strangers. The story of a young woman who tried to help those who were hurt despite having the barrel of a gun pointed right in her own face moments earlier. The stories of friends and family covering their loved ones to protect them from harm. This reminds me of something I wrote when I visited the Columbine Memorial a couple years ago:

"Going to a place like that reminds you both of how sad and dangerous the state of the world is but also how beautiful it is that there are people who are willing to put themselves in danger to help and protect people. To see how a community, a state, a nation can come together in times of tragedy to love and support each other. Tragedy really shows the worst in people but also showcases the best. It reminds me of a quote from a speech on the West Wing that I saw just last night (Stephen and I have been watching it and just finished season 3. I love it. I never thought I would since I'm not very political, but I do.) The context is included in the quote:

"More than any time in recent history, America's destiny is not of our own choosing. We did not seek nor did we provoke an assault on our freedom and our way of life. We did not expect nor did we invite a confrontation with evil. Yet the true measure of a people's strength is how they rise to master that moment when it does arrive. Forty-four people were killed a couple of hours ago at Kennison State University. Three swimmers from the men's team were killed and two others are in critical condition, when, after having heard the explosion from their practice facility, they ran into the fire to help get people out. Ran into the fire. The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels tonight. They're our students and our teachers and our parents and our friends. The streets of heaven are too crowded with angels, but every time we think we have measured our capacity to meet a challenge, we look up and we're reminded that that capacity may well be limitless. This is a time for American heroes. We will do what is hard. We will achieve what is great. This is a time for American heroes and we reach for the stars. God bless their memory, God bless you and God bless the United States of America. Thank you."  "


And that is exactly what has already started happening. Yesterday, the same day as this horrible event, Bonfils Blood Center reported that all 6 blood banks and all of the mobile blood units were booked solid with appointments for people to donate to help those in need. Within 3 hours of GivingFirst.org being set up to help local non-profits provide services for victims $125,000 had been raised. Already the people of Colorado are rising to meet the challenge. Already people around the country are looking for ways to help. I saw that Bloodsource, the blood bank I donated to in Vacaville, California, has sent platelets to Colorado to help the victims. Donations are coming in from around the country to the Red Cross. Businesses in the Aurora community have begun pooling resources to help those in need. The President has pledged to help in whatever ways possible.

The City of Aurora, the State of Colorado and the United States will rise to master this challenge. We will, as a community, support those who have been affected. It will be a long healing process, but we will heal. We will continue to pray for Colorado and for God's comfort and healing to be showered upon those who have lost loved ones.

We've lost acres of our land, hundreds of our houses, the lives of our citizens and a sense of security in the most carefree of places this summer. But we have not lost our will to go on, to rebuild and to heal.


To see a Coloradan's perspective on Denver's ability to rise above, please read Stephen's blog:
Denver, Colorado: A Comeback Town

#7- Go to a concert at Red Rocks (30 Before 30)

When I was compiling my 30 Before 30 list, I honestly didn't think that going to a concert at Red Rocks Amphitheatre would be the first item that I would cross off the list. I had no tickets and no concerts in mind at that time. Then, about a week after making my list, we got an email asking if we would like to use Mike and Marcie's tickets for a John Denver Tribute concert at Red Rocks. Stephen asked me if I'd like to use them, and despite not really knowing any of John Denver's songs, we thought it would be fun to go. Already once this year, Mike and Marcie had given us tickets to see a band we didn't know (Guster) and that turned out well, so why not?

So, last night we headed up to Red Rocks. I'd been to the Amphitheatre before just to walk around and check it out with Stephen, Sandi, Chris and Jack (on different occasions), but as awesome as the venue is to be at when there isn't a concert going on, it doesn't hold a candle to the experience of seeing live music there. We got there about 45 minutes before the show and got some food and found our seats. We had great seats (Row 14) with this view of the stage:

 And this view behind us: 

We met up with Mike's good friend John and his girlfriend Janet, as well as their friends Phil and Barb. Stephen knows them, so we spent some time catching up before the concert started. Since they are our parents' age, they knew John Denver's music well and were surprised that we didn't really know much about him. 

The show opened with a woman from the Lakota tribe speaking to us about how Red Rocks was the ancestral land of her people. She introduced us to a man from her tribe who came all the way from Rapid City to say a blessing over the concert in their native language. Then, drummers and dancers performed a couple ceremonial songs for the occasion, including a victory dance. It was pretty cool. Apparently John Denver was really interested in Native American culture, so it was a fitting way to open the show.

Then, one of John Denver's good friends, who put on the show, introduced a member of the Susan G. Komen Denver chapter who told us that a portion of the ticket sales from the concert would go to the local chapter to help provide breast cancer services for the women of the Denver area.

Then he introduced us to the band who would be performing the tribute concert: The John Adams Band with the Colorado Chamber Orchestra. John Adams grew up in Holland and at a young age heard a John Denver song on the radio (Take Me Home, Country Roads) and was hooked. He learned  to play the music and even was able to perform with John Denver once in Europe. They met several times over the years before John Denver's death. Since then, John Adams has committed his life to keeping John Denver's music and the stories behind the songs alive. 

I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed John Denver's music. I'd say I have a newfound appreciation for him. John Adams, from what John Denver fans told me, did a really good job of performing JD's music. Some of the songs that they played were: Annie's Song,  Calypso, Take Me Home, Country Roads, Eagles and Horses, The Foxfire Suite, Grandma's Feather Bed, Home Grown Tomatoes, Leaving on a Jet Plane, Rhymes and Reasons, Rocky Mountain High, Sunshine on my Shoulders, Thank God I'm a Country Boy, Back Home Again, Wildfire, This Old Guitar and Whispering Jesse. I'm sure I missed some, but that's what I remember.

Michael Martin Murphey was a guest performer and sang Boy from the Country and Perhaps Love with John Adams. He was really good, too. And pretty adorable in his cowboy hat and fringe covered jacket. Stephen says he looks like Chuck Norris. He's not wrong.

The only two that I could really sing along to were Annie's Song (I had no idea that was the name of it) and Leaving on a Jet Plane. I didn't actually know that John Denver sang those songs. It was a truly priceless experience to sit in a gorgeous venue at dusk and sing Leaving on a Jet Plane with hundreds of other people. And obviously, I recognize the chorus of Rocky Mountain High, but I've got to say that I can't imagine that song being performed any better than at Red Rocks, in Colorado. I'm sure it would not be the same experience anywhere else.

This, right here, is why Red Rocks Amphitheatre is such an amazing and unique venue. I thought it was beautiful in the day time, but it's even more beautiful at night. When the only lighting is coming from the stage, lights shining on the rocks flanking the seats and some strategically positioned lights around the outside of the seating area so that people can use the stairs, it's an experience that can not be replicated. It's beautiful. Add to that a perfect summer evening, not too hot with a light breeze, having your husband's arm around you and some John Denver songs, it was truly romantic. I'm not gonna lie, that John Denver was a pretty sentimental guy.

During intermission

Overall, this was a great introduction to music at Red Rocks. It was very chill, laid back concert to start it off with. I hope to see more concerts there in the future (perhaps of bands that I actually know...) but I am so happy to be able to cross this one off my 30 Before 30 list.

Pray for Colorado

Colorado is currently under siege from multiple wildfires, covering land in almost every part of the state. While some have been burning for a while and are inching closer to being contained (High Park Fire in Fort Collins), others have just started (Flagstaff Fire in Boulder) or have taken a dramatic turn for the worst (Waldo Canyon Fire in Colorado Springs). "This is a firestorm of epic proportions," said Colorado Springs Fire Chief Richard Brown.

A friend of mine called me yesterday afternoon who lives in Monument and asked me if she needed to evacuate if she could come to our house. Of course I told her that she could and would be more than welcome whenever the need arose. But that phone call sparked in me an insatiable interest in the Waldo Canyon Fire that has been pervading my thoughts for over 24 hours now. I began to follow #waldocanyonfire on Twitter and have been checking it non-stop. This was the best way to get up to the minute information from Colorado Springs officials and those who were living in the area. It's been heartbreaking.

But, this almost-obsession with following this fire has made me come to an epiphany of sorts. For the first time since we moved here almost two years ago, I feel like a Coloradan. I don't feel like a displaced Californian. I feel a sense of ownership over this state and feel like the fiery assault is on my home. I'll always be "from California" and I'll most likely always call visiting there "going back home." But for the first time since we've been here I feel like this state is mine.

I told Stephen this in the car on the way to Chick-fil-a tonight, and he said "funny how it took a disaster to make that happen." And he's right, the timing is completely related. But, what I really think caused it was the fact that this disaster has destroyed or is threatening places that have meaning for me. This fire is putting into jeopardy places that hold fond memories for me and our relationship. And that's what makes this different. This fire is messing with things that are mine.

The entertainment at the Flying W Ranch

The Flying W Ranch has been burned to the ground. I first went to the Flying W in November of 2007 with the entire Rabon family. We had gone to see Garden of the Gods that afternoon and then went to the Flying W for dinner. This was also the night that our friend Josh proposed to his now wife, Liz. We were the "cover story" for why he was taking her to Colorado Springs to propose at the Broadmoor. We were supposedly meeting at a place down there for drinks. The food was delicious, the music and show were entertaining and the company was great. We hadn't been together quite a year yet and this was one of the first few visits I made to Colorado to get to spend time with Stephen and his family.

Kip, Kathleen, Me, Stephen and Gram at the Flying W

The next time that we went to the Flying W Ranch was in May 2011. My grandparents were out visiting us from California and they love country-western music, so we thought it was a perfect place to take them. We also met up with Kathleen, who was my aunt's college roommate and has known my family for close to 30 years, and her husband Kip. My grandparents loved the food, the atmosphere and the company. Kathleen and Gram hadn't seen each other in probably 20+ years and getting to see them reminisce about old times and catch up on their lives was wonderful. What a great night.



Thankfully, we'll always have the memories of these trips and some pictures, but the Flying W Ranch will be missed. The cowboys who sing there, the food and the family associated with it will always be in my heart. They plan to rebuild according to the owner and PR people, but who knows how long that will take. God bless them as they deal with the loss of their livelihood and the dream they had so many years ago. I hope the Flying W gets rebuilt quickly and is as successful and well-loved as ever.

The fire is also looming uncomfortably close to the Garden of the Gods. This is an amazingly beautiful area with giant red rock formations that I have been lucky enough to be able to enjoy with both sides of our family. So far, it's safe, but the mere thought of something happening to it makes me go all mama bear and want to run down there with a bucket and hose and start fighting the fire myself. This area has been host to some amazing memories and I'd hate to see even one rock tarnished by this fire, though I've seen photos of the smoke and ash surrounding it.

Garden of the Gods with the Rabons
November 2007
Can you believe how young Matt and Rebekah look in this photo?

Our amazing engagement pictures
Taken November 2009 by
Charlotte Geary
at the Siamese Twins formation, Garden of the Gods

Sandi and I at the Garden of the Gods August 2010
Within a month of living in CO, I was taking people
I love to see the beauty of this place.

My brother-in-law Dan climbing at Garden of the Gods
August 2010

Stephen and Mom
April 2011

Gram, Grandpa, Stephen and I
May 2011

The fire has also come dangerously close to the Air Force Academy, which has been evacuated. If there's one thing you don't mess with in the eyes of this Air Force brat it's the good people of the USAF. Patriotism and supporting our troops knows no bounds so that fire needs to step back.

And so this is where we stand on the Waldo Canyon Fire as of roughly 9:30pm according to the El Paso County Sheriff's office:

"18,500 acres; 5% containment; 1000 personnel; 500 Sheriff/PD; 27 crews; 73 engines; 3 water tenders; 0 injuries"

What a huge blessing that no one has been hurt. With the amazing quickness this fire has spread (estimates of 2,000 ft. per hour up to 20mph with winds), it is truly a miracle that no one has been hurt. Praise God for his provision in the worst circumstances! 

Colorado is not the only state on fire right now. Please continue to pray for those affected by the fires in Montana, Utah, New Mexico, Arizona, Alaska and Nevada, as well as any that I may have missed mentioning. We need to pray for those evacuated and displaced, for the emergency personnel responding (from all over the States-- thank you for sending your finest to help in our time of need!) and those who have lost so much. Hundreds of homes have been lost and the livelihood of many is in danger.

This state has become my home and I'm not ready to see it go up in flames. While there is still so much of Colorado I have yet to experience, the peril facing places that I hold dear is enough to make me feel like a Coloradan. I've ordered a T-shirt from Wildfiretees.com to support the Colorado Red Cross and Care and Share. My first piece of Colorado paraphernalia (outside of Rockies or Avs gear). But I'm proud to call this state home and even more proud to stand in support and prayer for my fellow Coloradans. Who knew I'd ever get to this point.  So, I've got three beds with clean sheets and ample couch space, ready for any evacuees I know who may need them. I pray that it does not come to that, but we're ready to welcome them with open arms. 

Ruth, Isaiah 54 and Life

Hopefully this will be my last somewhat-depressing post for a while...


I've spent a lot of time inside my own head lately, thinking and praying and dealing with the loss of our baby. Now don't go thinking that I'm all depressed all the time lately. That's not the case. I've just been more reflective I guess now that we're getting close to 6 months removed from the miscarriage. Most of the time, I'm just fine. In fact, I'd say that May 3-8 were probably the happiest 5 consecutive days in the last 5 months for me. Not only were two of my best friends and their amazing son out to visit, but Stephen had a majority of those days off as well, which is a rare event. It was truly glorious. Plus the lack of work and the abundance of Rockies games and sunshine... good times. 


But, I'd be lying if I said that there weren't still rough moments. Mother's Day was one of them, what with my lack of motherhood. Not that our baby would have been born by Mother's Day, but I consider women to be mothers the second they become pregnant. Just because the baby is growing inside of you doesn't mean that you're not the mother of a child. So I had a little pity party all by myself for a few minutes. 


It seems like everybody in the world is pregnant right now or having babies and I'm not going to lie, I'm jealous. It sucks and I feel very badly about feeling this way. I am truly, truly happy for them, but there's a twinge of sadness and jealousy when I read these announcements. It feels very unfair. So I have a little pity party with myself.


Today, though, I was doing my Bible Study (Ruth: Loss, Love and Legacy) and something really struck a chord with me. It was talking about how Naomi told Ruth to go to Boaz at the threshing room floor, instructing her to "get dressed in [her] best clothes." The study goes on to discuss some Bible commentary in which they suggest this as Naomi's way of telling Ruth that she has mourned the loss of her husband long enough. They say that might be in reference to her having been wearing some sort of traditional clothing worn in mourning and that Naomi is telling her to move forward and take off that garment. 


The author (Kelly Minter) goes on to say:


"When we're wrapped in garments of mourning, we're unavailable for whatever else God has for us." 


Then she says to read Isaiah chapter 54 verses 1-6, focusing on verse 4, as it applies to Ruth.

"Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame. 

    Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth 
    and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. " - Isaiah 54:4

"[Isaiah Chapter 54] Verse 4 doesn't say we won't remember our "widowhood," but the reproach of it. God may not remove the memory, but He's able to take the sting out of it..."


And so, I think I'm done with pity parties. I'm not foolish enough to think that there won't ever be times that are hard. In fact, I'm kind of dreading the beginning of July for the very reason that we thought we would be parents then. BUT, I am letting it go. I'm opening myself to what God has planned for me and for us. I'm opening myself up to blessings. Because I know that God will provide. That God has a plan and I don't want to stand in His way.

Goals Update #2

Goals for 2012:

Complete the Couch to 5K training program to get back into running
I have officially finished the Couch to 5K program :) The end of the program has you running for 30 minutes straight. Could I personally run a 5K in 30 minutes? No... but it's a start. I'll have to work on getting faster, but I'm pretty excited about finishing this up.

Read at least 18 books 
Well, 16 books down, 2 to go! And I've coincidentally got 2 more Harry Potter books to read... 
Looks like I'm going to have to up my goal before I hit the 18th book so that I can keep tracking it. I'm thinking that I'll up it to 24 first and then see where we go from there. 

Complete a second Photo A Day project
It's looking good so far. A fair amount of flowers and sunsets/sunrises and cloud pictures, but that's to be expected if you really know me well. Oh yeah, and food :)

Make a realistic budget with my husband and stick to it
So I can't really say that I've spent enough time on this one. Stephen's been tracking all the spending within the framework of our budget, but I haven't really checked out the results recently. I should probably do that. 

Actually finish the Bible Study I bought an embarrassingly long time ago
Complete! I finished Living Beyond Yourself on Friday of last week. It was really good. I continue to believe that God let me procrastinate on doing it because I really needed to hear a lot of what was in that study after going through our miscarriage instead of before it. The chapters on joy were particularly poignant as we had just been through one of the hardest things imaginable. 


I have since started a new Bible Study. It's by Kelly Minter and it's a study on Ruth: Loss, Love and Legacy. I'm only 4 days in, but I'm enjoying it so far and it's really taking the book of Ruth verse by verse and really delving into the meat and potatoes of the matter. I think I'll really like it and I enjoy the way that she writes. 


I've also already got my next study picked out, since I had to decide between two at Lifeway :)

Get pregnant again (God willing) and have a happy, healthy pregnancy
So far, not happening but I'm confident that God has a plan. Which is not to say that I've not driven my husband completely crazy with the emotional roller coaster that is involved in this process but for some reason, he loves me anyway. Like I said, God has a plan.

Blog more frequently
Well, you're reading this, aren't you? :)

Spend more time nurturing relationships
I feel like we've been rather social lately, which is really helping to encourage the growth of new relationships with the people around me. It's been nice to get to know people both in groups and more individually and I'm looking forward to getting to spend more time with them. We've got a good group of people out here and I'm glad to have them in our lives. Coming soon, we'll also have softball back in our lives, which will give me the opportunity to spend more time nurturing relationships with the other softball wives/fiancees/girlfriends. 




Now let's see, what else is there to update?


We're headed to Nashville in less than a week to go see the Rabon side of the family. It'll be my first time in Tennessee (another state to cross off the list) and the first time visiting their house out there. Plus, Grandpa and Grandma Rabon are meeting us out there and we haven't seen them in over a year. It should be a great time and I'm looking forward to a few days away from work after working like a madwoman to get our yearbook done.


And then, a (hopefully) short two weeks later, Sandi, Chris and Jackson will be here for a long weekend. I'm super excited to have the whole family out here at once and get to frolic around and go to a Rockies game together and have a Cinco de Mayo fiesta. Needless to say, it's going to be amazing.

Movie Review: The Hunger Games

I'm going to warn you once:
DO NOT READ THE REVIEW BELOW IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE HUNGER GAMES MOVIE. I am not responsible for spoiling the movie/plot if you continue on.

I would love some discussion on the topics mentioned below if anyone wants to comment.

Here's the thing about The Hunger Games movie: I liked it, but I did not love it.

I read the Hunger Games Trilogy in about a day each. Clearly, I enjoyed the series. So when I saw the trailer for the movie, like pretty much everyone else who read the books, I was excited to see the movie and how they would adapt the book for the screen. And overall, I think they did well. I think that the costumes were great (although if you're afraid of clowns, I recommend closing your eyes when they are showing large crowds of people at The Capitol). I liked the way that they presented each of the locations: i.e. the poorness of District 12, the opulence of The Capitol and the train. I thought the actors did a fine job of portraying their characters. I loved Lenny Kravitz as Cinna.

However, there were some crucial things that I think they missed/misrepresented. Here they are:

• The Mockingjay Pin/ symbolism: First and foremost, she did not get the pin at The Hob. The pin was given to her by District 12's mayor's daughter. The book also went into detail about what a mocking jay is and how it would be considered a symbol of rebellion/insubordination by Snow/The Capitol. Looking forward to future movies, they'll have to explain this better when Katniss becomes  "The Mockingjay." Otherwise, who cares about a silly little pin from her district?
• Haymitch: Could they have glossed over his role any more? Some random dude shows up on the train and we're told he's the mentor. What does that even mean? Those of us who read the books know that the mentors are former winners and they are brought back yearly to coach the children from their districts and help them gain sponsors, etc. But he just kind of shows up. We see him talking to scary Capitol people and then Katniss gets gifts, so we can infer what his role is but it would have been nice to have them go into more detail about what the point of his being there is. Also, when she gets the gifts, they have notes on them. That wasn't in the book- she had to know, knowing him as well as she did (not portrayed well in the movie) what his intention was (i.e. didn't send water because she was close to it (also not in the movie that she almost dehydrates despite Haymitch's advice that water is your best friend), that kissing Peeta would get more gifts, etc.) His relationship to Katniss and Peeta seemed remote in the movie. He also was key in telling them how to train, to stick together, etc. in the book but not so in the movie. He mentions that he can "work with" star crossed lovers but that's about it. 
• Avoxes were not mentioned at all. I think that was an oversight by the filmmakers as the Avox girl's history with Katniss would further show the cruelty of the Capitol as well as set up for the Avox who helps her out in book 3. 
• Her Prep Team: they were pretty much extras in this movie, which I felt was odd considering that she spends so much time describing them in the book, they are constantly around and become kind of a big deal in book 3. 
• Rue: Oh Rue. How I loved you in the book and cried over your death in both the book and the movie. I felt that as stinking adorable as the actress who played Rue was in the movie, the connection between her and Katniss was not really fleshed out. Without Katniss' inner dialogue about how Rue was her sister's age and how she really began to take care of her because of that connection, her death was kinda like "that sucks" instead of as devastated as Katniss appears on screen. I loved that she still buried her and showed her that love and respect but it felt so much MORE in the book. The scenes with Rue and Katniss were like 5 minutes in the movie. 
• Speaking of Rue's death, I did not like that they cut out the part where District 11 sent Katniss bread as a gift for taking care of Rue when she died. That scene in the book was BEAUTIFUL. (which also goes back to them cutting out Peeta explaining the regional breads to Katniss...) The thought of such a poor community banding together to send a gift to a tribute from another district? The thought makes me a little teary-eyed. Instead they show District 11 going into revolt (did not happen in the book). I get that they're setting up the sequel, but still...
• The Mutts: Yeah, I know it would have been really hard to set up the dogs who attack them in the end to really look like the dead tributes but that part in the book was crazy and poignant. I mean honestly, after reading that, did you have any doubt about how evil and manipulative and devious the Capitol was? 
• Gale. Could he have been any more pointless in this movie? Other than eye candy for girls who are in love with dudes who are dating fallen Disney stars? I'm not a big Gale fan myself. But regardless, if you're going to set up a love triangle, you should probably set up some storyline with "the other man." You see them as friends in the beginning, he looks a little sad when he sees Katniss kiss Peeta on TV and then he's obviously good friends with Prim at the end. The character development was just not there. Plus, without Katniss' inner struggle with the affections she shows Peeta, how do you know that she even likes Gale back? He mentions having his name in 42 times, but they don't even really touch on how that is possible. Maybe they should have explained the tesserae more...
• Katniss' home life: yeah she told her mom not to zone out like she did when her dad died. But really, did that explain just how much Katniss had to be the head of household? They hint at her dad's coal mine demise, but they don't touch at all on how important her dad was to her: how he taught her those songs, how he taught her to hunt, that her bow and jacket were his. How she inherited her singing voice from him. I felt like their relationship was a non-factor in the movie. 
• Speaking of her dad, after he died, Katniss almost starves to death. Peeta gives her bread when he sees her almost dying. This was in the movie, but I'm not sure the seriousness of her predicament came through. She looked like she was falling asleep and you don't see that he burned the bread on purpose. Could have been expanded more.
• They didn't really talk about what each district does. They talk about the tributes coming in "dressed in attire to represent their districts" but don't really say what that means. I would have liked to have seen an explanation of the districts to add some depth to the story. Plus each tribute would have strengths based on where they were from (particularly important in the case of Rue, for example). That would have only taken a few minutes.

Overall, I think a little more character development would have really helped his film. Having read the book, you know these things so maybe it's not a big deal that they don't expand on them. But if you haven't, does it suffer? I guess I won't know since I read it, but I feel that the movie was, as my husband says, "the book on speed." Everything happened SO FAST that they didn't really explain some things, they didn't really flesh out characters and relationships and they changed some things to set up sequels. I get that. I get that the movie was already 2 1/2 hours and to add all this would make it that much longer. But I feel like the movie would have been better if it didn't leave out some of this stuff. There are more things that I could nitpick about, for sure, but these were the big ones that stuck out to me in the middle of this rant. 

As I said at the start, some discussion is welcomed. Feel free to comment and tell me I'm being too picky or something. That's okay. 

My sweet husband tells me that the best adaptation of books to movies was the Harry Potter series. So now I'm reading those so that I can be the judge of that. I'm interested to see, considering that I saw the movies first, how that changes my perspective. But, two books down, five to go!

Thoughts on Friendship

I'm in the middle of two books right now, "The Happiness Project" and "Living Beyond Yourself: Exploring the Fruit of the Spirit," and both have just touched on the subject of friendship. And since one of my goals is to spend time nurturing relationships, I found these parts to be particularly salient in my quest to be a better friend. And, by reading those books, I'm knocking out two more goals (Read 18 books and finish the Bible Study I started an embarrassingly long time ago) so... BAM.

Thoughts from "The Happiness Project":

In her chapter on Friendship, Gretchen Rubin states that "everyone from contemporary scientists to ancient philosophers agree that having strong social bonds is probably the most meaningful contributor to happiness." She goes on to make a list of strategies she can use to be generous in her relationships. I wanted to list them here as both a reminder to myself (I'll remember them better writing them than I would from reading them).

• Help People Think Big: always encourage your friends in their goals and ambitions. Giving someone  some positive strokes and possibly helping them reach accomplishments will both make them feel good and make you feel good. She says that "one of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; one of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
• Bring People Together: "Studies show that extroverts and introverts alike get a charge out of connecting with others; also, because people are sources of information and resources for one another, if you help bring people together, you provide them with new sources of support." 
• Contribute In My Way: Use my gifts and talents to help my friends. In lieu of giving gifts, use the ones I have to help in some way.
• Cut People Slack: "Remember not to judge people harshly, especially on the first or second encounter. Their actions might not reveal their enduring character but instead reflect some situation they find themselves in. Forbearance is a form of generosity."

The other key that she talks about is showing up. Be there to celebrate with your friends when something important happens: having a baby, opening a store, new job, etc. Take the time to deepen casual relationships and to confirm closeness with good friends. Also, spend time with those you don't know as well. "The 'mere exposure effect' is the term for the fact that repeated exposure makes you like music, faces--even nonsense syllables-- better. The more often you see a person, the more intelligent and attractive you'll find that person." And the same goes for their feelings about you.

When making friends: smile more frequently, actively invite others to join a conversation, create a positive mood, open a conversation, try to look accessible and warm, show a vulnerable side and laugh at yourself, show a readiness to be pleased, follow others' conversational leads and ask questions.

From "Living Beyond Yourself":

In her daily devotion on Philos: Friend Love, Beth Moore uses scriptures from the book of Luke to encourage us to:

• Place our friends in a high personal position/in high esteem (Luke 14:10)
• Share joy/sadness with our friends- philo love is characterized by shared experience in that the joy of one becomes the joy of all, etc. (Luke 15:8-9)
• A common pursuit or interest can make you friends- this is the adoption of like interests. However, be like Abraham in James 2:23 where he adopted God's interests as his own instead of like Herod and Pilate in Luke 23:8-12 where the common interests were evil in nature. Be cognizant that the catalyst of friendship is not always positive and be wary of this.

Galatians 6:10 says: "Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."Philadelphos is Greek for brotherly love- we should strive to show this love to our friends.

God has blessed me with some amazing friends that I definitely don't want to take for granted.